Dear Emily - a review of Rants in the Dark, the play
/Dear Emily (and script writers Mel, Lyndee-Jane and Bevin)
I saw ‘Rants in the Dark’ at Circa Theatre last night. Being 24 weeks pregnant, I wasn’t sure I wanted to face even more onslaught of what to expect when you have a baby, how difficult it is, and all the other things endemic in people’s conversations about having kids. Luckily my husband convinced me we should go.
I can imagine how alone mothers must feel sometimes, because I’ve found pregnancy at times a lonely and baffling experience – something captured in the opening scenes of Rants in the Dark where we get a blow by blow offering of people’s ‘helpful’ advice about pregnancy. My personal favourite? “If you think you’re uncomfortable and can’t sleep now, just wait till the baby arrives!”
There is a lot in ‘Rants in the Dark’ that is challenging. When your baby Eddie is sick and in hospital, how do you cope with people who don’t understand or care about compromised immune systems? How did you get through all that awful online abuse from other parents so critical of your parenting, when banding together would have been much more useful and helpful for everyone?
That’s why pregnancy, motherhood, and parenthood can be lonely, I feel – because there is so much unkindness around it, during an already vulnerable time. So many comments and advice flying in all directions, much of it conflicting, much of it about the person offering that advice rather than about you.
The best advice I got from ‘Rants in the Dark’ was from your son Eddie. After you and your husband had a yelling match, Eddie reminded you that you’re best friends and you shouldn’t forget it. How cool is that! It was also great to hear about the unexpected new communities you formed with creche teachers, people on buses, and other mothers awake at 4am, desperate for contact.
There is too often something missing from the conversations on pregnancy and parenthood: The positives. The life-changing — as you put it — heart-shattering and then heart-reforming moments. Thank you for sharing these. Thanks for your non-judgement in the pursuit of kindness.
Sometimes it’s important to take a breath and remind yourself of the exciting, unpredictable and crazy times to come.
Yours,
A mum to be.
P.S. Go and see the play! It’s only on for another few days. https://www.circa.co.nz/package/rants-in-the-dark-2019/
