Baby myths
/One month into life with a newborn, we’ve learned an incredible amount about babies, and our baby specifically. Here’s what I didn’t know before giving birth, and how I’ve needed to adjust my thinking – there are so many things they don’t tell you in antenatal class! Please note these are my opinions; everyone is different.
Baby myths:
The only way to feed a baby is ‘on demand’
Breastfeeding is the only way – breast milk contains magical properties (and other unsubstantiated claims)
Cloth nappies are way too hard to cope with
You need to have everything ready and buy up the whole of Baby City before baby arrives
Your cat is going to hate your baby
Always sleep when the baby sleeps.
1. The only way to feed a newborn is on demand
Feeding and sleeping can be controversial because there are so many theories out there. Do you feed on demand, or on a schedule? When do you make the switch? For me, figuring out R’s hunger cues, when he just wants to suck on something, and when he is tired, has been huge.
Everyone has their instincts and ideas around feeding a baby. Antenatal class taught us to ‘feed on demand’ – when baby wants food. I agree with this for the most part, but with some caveats. Do you know how hard it is to tell whether your baby wants food or sleep? I probably overfed him in the first couple of weeks because I couldn’t read his cues, and this can lead to an association for baby between milk and bedtime – in effect always feeding them to sleep. For some people this is totally fine, for others like me, it isn’t (at least in the day time – night time is slightly different). We’ve found following the Eat – Activity – Sleep – Me time pattern, from the Baby Whisperer book, pretty helpful, for giving Ruben longer periods of sleep at night and for knowing what he needs. It’s not perfect and we don’t always follow it, but it seems to stop me from being a human pacifier and constant milk maid.
The key thing is, there is not just one way to feed a baby or help them sleep, and reading cues has been so important.
2. Breastfeeding is the only way
Hospitals, antenatal classes and breastfeeding clinics can be really pushy about breast feeding. Sometimes they tell you how terrible formula is, and how you should wait weeks before bottle feeding, even with expressed breast milk. Well, guess what? Some women can’t or don’t want to breast feed, or want to do a mix of breast and formula.
It takes a lot of practice, and in my case talking to multiple people (several midwives and lactation consultants) to work out good feeding positions and whether I was doing it properly. It can be painful when babies cluster feed and I’ve already had one infection. It takes up a lot of time and requires many Fix and Fogg peanut butter crackers at 2am, to keep you going. On the other hand, I’ve found it to be a wonderful bonding experience. We bottle feed expressed milk once a day as well, to give me a break, which is important for my mental health. I read a book by New Zealand author Dr Natalie Flynn, ‘Smart Mothering’, when I was up at all hours of the night this month, which debunks a lot of myths about the magical properties of breast milk. The author looks at robust scientific research to see if the claims stack up, with one such claim around breast milk fending off infections:
“Immunologists are so certain that breast milk has healing powers which cannot be matched by formula. What the research shows is that, in all but a minor way, the protective power of breast milk is overwhelmed by the greater surge of protective antibodies a baby receives through the placenta, clean water, hygiene and immunisations. As a source of protection from illness, breastfeeding is barely relevant in developed countries.”
3. Cloth nappies are way too hard to cope with
Prior to baby R’s arrival, we thought we’d have to use a mix of cloth and disposable nappies, because we’d heard that cloth nappies are way too time consuming. All that washing! Nappy Mojo, a Wellington-based company, came to talk to our antenatal class (this was actually useful!) and convinced us to give them a try. Pre-folded cloth nappies look just like disposables, they’re not at all like the square pieces of cloth my parents put on me. Nappy Mojo has newborn hire packs, so you can test out a range of different brands and fits to see what works and decide if you want to go on to buy bigger sizes once baby is older. We wash the nappies once a day, there’s tonnes of washing to do anyway! Cloth nappies are awesome for the planet too and come in all sorts of colourful fabrics.
4. You need to have everything ready!
Although it’s good to be organised, it’s worth having some extra money saved up for more purchases after baby’s arrival. As soon as baby R was born, we discovered all sorts of things that were useful to buy: an arms-up swaddle to help him sleep, a sheepskin blanket to make his bassinet more womb-like and comfortable; parenting books and apps. It’s worth getting to know your baby and what he needs. And you’ll buy things that don’t work and you’ll never use – it’s all part of it.
5. Your cat is going to hate your baby
Spock the Devon Rex was put out at first by baby R. You could see him thinking – who is this creature you’ve brought home with you? Why am I not allowed to sit on Mum’s stomach anymore? When do I get a cuddle? After a few days, Spock was sniffing R’s head and sitting near him, even guarding the entry points to the house as I sat in the lounge with baby R. Time will tell how the two of them get on as Ruben grows, but Spock is slowly getting used to R and adjusting to having this new person in his space.
6. Always sleep when the baby sleeps.
Sleep is bloody important, especially when you’re only getting a few snatched hours of it a night. I’ve found it important for physical healing and my mood. But I couldn’t nap every time Ruben naps. You know what? Sometimes I just want to have a shower and read or write, and I don’t get much of a chance to do these things. It is of course easier to do stuff for yourself when you have had some sleep – so it’s all a balancing act.
What did you find out after having a baby, or what’s surprised you the most?
