International Women's Day as a new mother

This time last year, I was putting up a blog post at the airport for International Women’s Day. I was about to depart on a trip to Melbourne while 28 weeks pregnant. Today, I looked back on this blog to see if I’ve upheld the fight for equality, and to see what more there is to do, now I’m a Mum.

Last year, I wrote about the division of labour at home – not just the physical tasks but the emotional labour that falls to women, of holding onto all those thoughts about what to buy at the supermarket and what your mother-in-law would really like for her birthday. Having a baby has made the physical and emotional labour of being a woman really, really hit home. I’m constantly amazed at the sheer number of tasks women can accomplish as mothers. Juggling my own physical and emotional needs as well as my child’s has been a very big undertaking. But my husband and I are doing things a little differently. Just this week, we made the switch from me being the at-home primary caregiver of our 9 month old baby, with my husband working full time; to the other way round. I’m back at work, and he’s at home for three months.

In many ways, this is what we believe our society needs: really, truly sharing the tasks, the joys and the lows of parenthood, especially in that first year. A father at home is striving to be an equal partner and putting in the time to bond with his child. But we know one of the main barriers to this is financial – when women generally earn less than men, even if it’s only a small amount less, it can be hard for men to stay home and women to work. There are structural barriers too – some people still think it’s just downright strange for a Dad to be spending many hours at home with his child while his wife/partner is the breadwinner. Luckily for us, we’ve had lots of positivity and enthusiasm around sharing parental leave.

There is one policy that would help push for equality and help more heterosexual and same-sex couples to share childcare: giving both parents an equal amount of paid parental leave. In Finland, each parent will receive 6.6 months of leave, and this was done specifically to help achieve gender equality. Single parents can use the leave quotas of both parents.

As well as allowing both parents to spend quality time with their kids, paid shared parental leave would also help women’s career prospects. If you’re interested in why, read Alexandra Topping’s incredible article on the Guardian. Essentially, once women reach child-bearing years, and then have children, the gender pay gap widens hugely. As Topping so bluntly says, “We won’t end maternity discrimination until both parents are seen as potential baby-creating liabilities”. She says it’s about support when returning to work, too –  employers can support both parents to work flexibly, and managers should ask what kind of support both parents need.

The other wonderful thing about International Women’s Day is getting the chance to thank the women who’ve supported me in becoming a new mother. From the midwife who simply said I was doing a good job, to the older neighbor who I’d pop over and say hi to, to the new female friends I’ve made through Plunket groups, to the nurse who gave Ruben his vaccinations and answered all my questions without batting an eye, to the girlfriends who look after Ruben while I go to the gym or write, to the tutor at my writing class full of wisdom and yet only in her twenties, to the female members of my family who offer practical help – thank you. The world is truly a richer place with women in it.